What is this thing I see?!

While running down the Blvd (the main drag in Kinshasa, DRC), yes I did stop to walk, but what kept me going is a couple things. Running alone certainly doesn't work. Running with mundeles (whites- other teachers, missionaries, friends) helps; but the Congolese love it. They encourage you, shouting "Mbote!" (hello in Lingala), Bonjour, and "COURAGE!" cheering us in French & the like. It was great! I even kicked a homemade ball around with some street kids:) The thing that kept coming back to my mind is Steven Curtis Chapman's song "See the Glory" based on Eph.1:18; 2Cor.4:6,6:1 & CS Lewis' quote: "Indeed if we consider the unblushing promise of reward & the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
The slight rain cooled us down as we jogged, but I kept cramping and getting nervous that I would slip & slide down the wet streets, in the mud. But you know what? I didn't fall once! I don't remember running that long, even when I did Long Distance Track&Field in Mid.school (that's when I ran with my beautiful friend Corina:)) Westerners don't have a clue what life is like for us here. I know I am far too easily pleased, easily entertained, easily amused... I stopped on a bridge to look out and view the Congo River, its raging power and still calmness all in one, the trash and dirt separating me from its wild rapids.
After a fun End of the Yr brunch for my Boot Camp friends (our exercise group), I spent all day editing the video of my play (the Importance of Being Earnest). Then I went and had girly fun time with the women teachers as we got our hair done for prom.
After chaperoning prom last night, I got to see the Congo River at night (yes, even in the dark) from a lovely view on a friend's balcony... On one side you can see the French Congo (Brazzaville) and the other you can see Kin, DRC; and we had a great view of the moon.
I have to stop and smell the roses, and Congo is doing that for me, it's slowing my fast paced life down and forcing me to "wake up and see the glory" all around me. Even amongst the trash, dirt, smog, pollution, and dying rainforest. You have to spend time searching, looking, and once you see beauty, in a friend or river, a tree or an odd building in Kin, then you can find glimpses of how huge His grace is.

"I never did like the word mediocre
I never wanted it to be said of me, oh, no
Just point me to the job and I’d go over, over
Looking for the very best that could be
So what is this thing I see
Going on inside of me?
When it comes to the grace of God
Sometimes it’s like …

I’m playing Gameboy standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon
I’m eating candy sittin’ at a gourmet feast
I’m wading in a puddle when I could be swimming in the ocean
Tell me what’s the deal with me
(I know the time has come for me to)
Wake up and see the glory

Every star in the sky tells His story, oh
And every breeze is singing His song
All of creation is imploring
Hey, come see this grand phenomenon
The wonder of His grace
Should take my breath away
I miss so many things when I’m content with …

How could I trivialize it
This awesome gift of God’s grace?
Once I have come to realize it
I should be speechless and amazed

Wake up and see the glory
Open your eyes and take it in
Wake up and be amazed
Over and over again

God’s love is calling to you and to me
Wake up, wake up
Open your eyes"-SCC
"Be ashamed to die until you have scored a victory for mankind." Dr. TP Kalogris

:-(

Marhabtein! Kifeik?
ana jaleis
ana eiad....
nazo yoka passi po na moninga nagnay
j'ai triste
yo soy TRISTE!!!!!

I'm tryin to learn different ways to say different things. My status msg. says I am sad because
I really am.

I am down. "Why so downcast o my soul?" "Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows fall?..." I just found out one of my dearest friends is very ill and I don't want her to be. I just feel so far away in the dark away from the people I care the most about. I want to move away to California someday and go to grad school & get my masters, but it's too expensive there. I'd have to find a job, a place to live, and a car. Wow. Silly materialistic things. I'm feelin sorry for myself. I know I need to trust God and pray and be there to cheer her up, and I know that God won't let her handle anything too big, but I want to wrap my arms around her and she's thousands of miles away.

I went and ran a little (not much; I slowed down because I started to cry). I showered (which usually helps make me feel better), had dinner, enjoyed a music concert on campus, I've prayed and journaled (am now blogging), but I still feel bothered by the news. I told God I'm pretty mad. I almost got upset at my family about the whole thing:( I don't want to take out stress on people I love. I want to be alone right now, "Me and God" like Josh Taylor's song. But then I really am dying to vent and let it all out and tell someone who will listen and understand and just hold me.

"You are loved with an everlasting love.
And underneath are the everlasting arms."
That's how my granny used to start her radio program. Why?! She's already been through a lot, why is she suffering so? I don't want my parents stressing or worrying anymore! My mama is hurting because her mama is.:(

Anyway, just wanted to explain my pain...
K thnx for listenin.
Shalom