Indifferent Rant Warning

My dearest friend gave me this today: "Most friends will bring ruin upon you, but a true friend is more loyal than a brother."
I really don't mean to be Veggie-Tale cheeseball here, but I truly am thankful for my true friends today. And most of all for that One Friend Who is closer than a brother right now.
I think I get it now. I know why I'm annoying when I apologize so much, and when I admit I'm wrong people go "Oh don't patronize me, don't give me the guilt trip" (when I didn't mean to or didn't mean to come across that way). They don't want to admit they did anything wrong. Why is it sooo uncomfortable for us to admit anything??!!
In Summer Jam (Vacation Bible School at my church/Preston Taylor community west of Nashville) this week, we talked to the kids about the ABC's of becoming a Christian, or, FAITH. First and foremost we have to
A dmit
B elieve
C onfess
Which comes first? Say it again? Repeat. Yes, repeat after me: ADMIT! BELIEVE! CONFESS! And here I am boasting that I admit I'm wrong? Well, way down deep somewhere I believe it's a sign of humility. But, (here I am Laughing Out Loud!) that would be a contradiction right off the bat. I'm not humble, I'm very much in need of GRACE.
Back to the ABC's. The simple basics of faith. Woah, hold on - when was faith basic? When was faith deemed simple? All we need is a tiny mustard seed? Sounds pretty basic + simple to me! Are we all in the rat race just repeating sayings like robots? Noooo.... bear with me here....
But here's where it's not simple. Admitting is not a simple thing to do. Believing is certainly not an easy basic step. And confessing is definitely not comfortable. Sure it's healing, but it's not what we all sign up, run up to the front of the line to do. Somewhere I told myself, along the way, that if I'm first to apologize then "that will keep the peace and we will all get along." So I rush to say "I'm sorry." Then people quickly answer back, "Oh no you don't need to be sorry." me: "But I feel badly for you (that such & such happened)." them: "You don't need to feel bad." So it's a silly cycle and we laugh it off. But deep inside I still feel bad. I still feel guilty, so people tell me, oh it's a lie of Satan that there's still guilt there. Oh! That's right, I didn't pray enough. I didn't go to the Throne of Grace FIRST. Ohhh, right right, "approach the throne BOLDLY!" Alrighty then! So I run back.
As my dad likes to say, we all have to, need to preach the gospel DAILY to ourselves. Run back to the cross, go "back 2 basics" and learn those ABC's again. When friendships grow distant, when marriages fall apart, and relationships are awkward or painful, difficult and unresolved, it truly is the most painful thing. Why do we have to go through this? I'm soooo willing to fix it but they're like "We're wayy past that." Well, my friends, God gave us that craving. Those desires to fix what the Fall broke. That need and hunger for a harmonius relationship. The circle of friendship, the continuous unity that the wedding band symbolizes.
Beth Moore said if Jesus Christ could raise the dead, back to life, then God can raise a dead marriage! (insert: friendship, relationship, etc.) I pray that I as I draw closer to my Heavenly Father, that I become the woman He wants me to be: i.e. the wife, daughter, sister, friend, someday mother, that He designed. That means a light, a witness, that bears His name, and that proudly carries His Word with me. Also, I want to get in your face and scream with tears running down my cheeks, how much I love my Savior, and how I want to not care how your words or deeds have hurt me. Or would you forgive me for whatever I did to lose the friendship. I thought God brought you to me; I thank Him for our fun memories together, and all that we taught each other, but I still want to know why we broke the bond.
I'm not over it. I'm not over you. I want to shout it from the rooftops that God did give me a sense of loyalty, and I will stand by, stick by, and fight for those I love, care about, and pray for. Nope, I won't get tired of you.
Is that so annoying? Irritating? To pop your personal space bubble and embarrass you by being MYSELF? The Tigger that Eeyore and Rabbit really can't stand but can't do without? :) (Like us women say about our men: "(sigh). Boys. You can't live with 'em and you can't live without Him.")
I'm not apologizing here to my dear Catholic friends here, but I'm gonna quote Luther for a second. LOL. Anyway, he said, "Love God?! Sometime I hate Him!"
People have always teased, cautioned and lovingly warned me that I use strong words strongly. As in, "I LOVE French fries!" "I Love my husband!" (Yeah you wanna marry a deep fried potato?) then I say "Ew I HATE that movie!" "I hate what I just heard on the news about _sin_ that just happened"
Well, here I am. He accepts me just as I am. I want you to know He welcomes you, us, in His presence, just as we are. Grace, blood, sweat and tears, they all cover it all.
Wow, pretty staggering isn't it? I'll stop there.:)