Memory

How long, Oh Lord, will this thing last? The Psalmist lamented and begged.How long, before it begins? a new group whines and bangs on the piano.How long, before You take her home? I ask my God.How long does my mother have to watch her mother's memory fade? Some people have opinions about what we should and shouldn't remember. The sweetest and truest memories are played out in songs, poems, photographs, and story-telling times (recorded or repeated by mouth). People say, "OH, he has to deal with so much! You don't know how much he is bothered!" Sure, but I watch/read "The Notebook" and other stories like it and I think "WOW. Can a human really love someone that well and that much?" I can only hope.My mother asks for a miracle. I ask for peace. My sister asks for grace and patience. A miracle is not too much to ask of God. My friends apologize and wish they could help. My husband tries to comfort me as I sob and read the pain my mother has to deal with.Her friend Ruth B G just passed. My new friend just lost her father (heart attack). My business-friend just lost her grandmother. My other new business-friend lost a true friend - to cancer. What do you say when someone grieves?How do you comfort someone who is mourning? One week ago was the anniversary of my father's father's death. Someone who remembers, adds a funny tale, trying to keep that smile on. We offer meals and treats, as if to soothe the emptiness. The void, the empty seat, the smile that isn't there.Do I want to grieve that? Are we ready for that? Are we ready to lose the life that brought so much joy and peace? People say, "Ah but remember the good God brought out of it!!" when her first two husbands died. Yes, she led a life of example - showing the world she was doing all she knew to do, to take that step of faith and forgive, live, and eat among the people that killed her love. She then remained a reserved, but then outspoken leader at the same time. Her fans adored her, her critics couldn't take her conviction and conservative nature. So we tossed more books aside or they ordered more. Either way she shrugged and pointed up to her Savior. He did it all, "Glory be to God. I didn't do any of it!" -she'd humbly, quickly reply. Her later years have been filled with quiet submission. What else is there to do? "This is her lot in life. This is where the line falls." She always repeated those verses. My heart would scream, "NO! THAT IS NOT HOW MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE!" Except that it was. For her. She was comforted in following her leader, manager, husband; that's all she knew. All she knows. You know what dementia does to people? It makes them recoil, fear, and forget. First, she would get embarrassed and say, "OH yes, of course, you're right. I just forgot, silly me." Then it grew to recoiling from the healing touch of loved ones. Now it's "Who are you and what are you doing here, what am I doing here, why are you here, what is going on" every few moments. It is so frustrating, it makes me anxious the more I dwell on it. We are afraid of what we don't understand.Help us Lord, do we trust You? (Twila sang). Do I trust You, Lord? Do we? Are we ready and willing? OH, that's right - we wouldn't want to expect great things from God and ask too much, looking for a sign or a new wonderful miracle. Well, I'm asking right now. Forget the opinions and confusion. Pass over the anxiety and worry (how would that help?) It's time to ask for more....! We boldly approach the throne of Grace - our God is way bigger than this. He can handle so much more!
"Be ashamed to die until you have scored a victory for mankind." Dr. TP Kalogris