Scribbling

Jesus scribbled. We don't know what He wrote, but we know He showed something in the sand that day to the Pharisees (the Tattlers, the Tattle Talers who wanted to catch Him in their traps of trickery). Lots has been written on this subject...
I've been going through the Gospel according to John, and I came upon this story today. I've always loved this story because it teaches us so much without all the content, yet we still take it out of context. If we really believed we are sinful and Jesus has saved us, would we act the way we do and still judge? Later in that chapter He continues on about judging each other...
My dad would call us all "recovering Pharisees" (and there are books on the subject). Looking back, I remember being a child who was so fearful of getting in trouble, causing trouble, making a ruckus, that I just had to make peace, and was so afraid of upsetting anyone... So what did I do? I'd always cover my tracks, I'd (and I still do, in an annoying way) rush to apologize so early so no one would feel bad or blame me. I'd run to "save" my younger siblings and be accountable or responsible for them. (Not that I could or can save anyone else!!!) But, I think I justified my "tattling" with reports. I always I had to "report back to" the teacher, parent, or authority. "Oh, he did this, but it was because I did so and so first... It's ok really because we're sorry and we can fix it."
There is something so wrong with my theology here, it makes me smile. I say I'm Presbyterian, and a Believer, a conservative Christian (bearing the name of Christ), daughter of a pastor, granddaughter of missionaries on both sides, yet, I should've known better. I should know that if I truly believe I'm a daughter of the King, righteous (meaning: right relatedness with the Father), upheld by grace, worthy of eternal life's blessings, then I would carry myself better - with Christ esteem, Christ confidence, and with graciousness.
Oh yeah - I forgot. I'm human.. My selfish nature still wants to throw stones, drag the wet cat in and say, "Look what she did! Aren't you going to stop her?!" and I still try and trick, test, or trap people, even those I love I'm sorry to say. How dare I mess with condemnation and judgment when I'm not even a witness sometimes, or not even in the jury's seat, so how could I try and be a judge? I now see it in children I work with or babysit, "oooooh, teacher!!! LOOK what he did!!!" Or, the younger ones annoy the older ones and try to irritate them so they get blamed, and boy do they hate it when they feel responsible for the little kids. It's all a competition for attention.
I am an attention lover, attention getter, and I do not like that about myself. Yes I love to be recognized, applauded, esteemed, see my name in lights, and be the center of attention or in the limelight. When I get the wrong kind of attention though (say a wolfwhistlecatcall or uncomfortable stares) it still bothers me; my beauty should reflect my King's light and presence, not cause my brother to stumble or anything of the sort. I should have that stage presence (as we call it in theatre) that demands attention, and respect, but it gives credit back to my Savior, so I go crawl into a corner, take off my makeup and buy different outfits so as not to draw attention to certain things. Then I get nervous all over again that "Uh oh, someone will notice, someone will be offended..." Why does it matter? I'm used to being the popular preacher's kid who everyone looked up to, looked at, and expected a lot from. But on the other hand, God has granted me some holy desires as well.. See my flesh is struggling within right now! I know He wants me to be as Christ to people, treat them as if they were Christ and treat them as if I was Christ. Our Redeemer was "totally free indeed" (as He says later in the chapter). He had no qualms, no worries or concerns. He was the Messiah!! They didn't see it, because of the blindness, and how the Law was so important to them, but He didn't get anxious - He knew when and what was coming. It states at the end of the chapter that He concealed Himself so they couldn't stone Him. They still wanted to make Him look bad so they could puff themselves up (like birds do) and feel better they did the right thing (in their own eyes). I wish I was more humble, but I know it's all part of the Journey of Sanctification.
God knew beforehand that I would have these qualms, that on one hand I want to respect and honor my King and my husband, too. That I want to help people out of the kindness of my heart that He's given me, that I want to serve Him wholly, upright, and Joyfully. But my qualms, the worries and stones, get in the way. Pride is usually the factor, the root of my struggle. My reputation, my esteem, my feelings. What if...? I ask. I ask that all the time, in negative and positive ways. "What if they say this? What if they think this? What if someone gets hurt?" So I keep myself from going all the way, from being all there (as my grandfather J.E. put it). From diving in to the deepest waters and sharing His love, His gifts.
I feel absolutely free today. I stand amazed in His presence, that He has made me clean, washed me pure, and begun a new work in me. I know I am perfect in Christ, made righteous by His blood. Why be concerned over a stone? An opinion? A negative word or glance? A group that sets traps or has trickery? He accepts me as I am, the attention lover, the worried anxious soul, the fun loving gal, the helpful sweet person I think I am.
When something negative happens, we think, "Aw, they're such a ___ (good, sweet, etc.) person. Why would that happen, why do they deserve that? What did they do to deserve ___?" And when something good happens, we say, "Yay, what did we do to deserve this reward?! I can't ___ (eat, have, take etc.) this until I measure up and make things equal!" Or, "She needs to share ___ with so&so so we can all partake!"
That isn't the way our God works. Christ told them, "Who among you will cast the first stone?!!" No one was worthy, no one was willing, no one was able. I wonder how she felt. First she comes kicking and screaming, then she leaves with a clean slate, forgiven and whole. Actually loved even though she had been caught in adultery! Who would've guessed?! And they were trying to not only make her look bad, they were trying to catch our Savior in a law-trap. They were taking the verse/law out of context, first of all! Deut. 22:22.
What did He do? I love this. He ignored their question! My mama raised us to learn to be quiet if we were right. My siblings and I would triumphantly announce "Well I'm going to remain quiet from now on because I'm right!!" and gloat, boasting about our own self-righteous opinion. In my business, we try to stay away from arguments, because one can't argue with the truth! Who can argue with my friend who is out of a wheelchair because of this product?! Wow. Anyway, one by one the Pharisees slunk away. The sand, or the picture He illustrated, and His example He set, made them feel so foolish. Jesus was our fool for them, and then they begun to realize, "Oh I get it now. We can't trap Him." But they still continued to try! That's just it isn't it! Growing up we'd still try to argue, still stay in the same spot, fighting for our rights, our equality, our bratty selfish desire or opinion (because we thought we got it, we knew we were smarter or better than them, we knew we had studied more on the subject)... Then I'd cry. I'd end up crying because they didn't see my point of view. They couldn't see where I was coming from, they didn't try to stand in my shoes, or understand. I didn't feel heard or accepted. This is why I feel the child screaming, "Why don't you listen to me?! I'm more important! My belief is better!" And I have problems with agreeing to disagree. I want to see where they're coming from, I want to try and understand you, and I want to give you a chance, but I still want to know that someone understands me.
Why worry? He already knows, understands, and believe it or not, LOVES me. My Bible's footnote said at the end: "When we have more in common with the Pharisees than we do with Jesus, we become prone to begin focusing on another's faults while ignoring our own. But as we allow Jesus to work in and through our lives, we become gripped by His love so tenderly offered to us and to others. And it becomes our ardent desire to introduce people to the Savior who has forgiven all of our sins."-Zondervan's "The Knowing Jesus Study Bible."
hey sry this was so long "like father like daughter" huh?:)